Five Interpersonal Dating Styles

& How They Interact

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Venus & Mars

Dating success comes from understanding your own personal style (alongside the styles of others). To be more successful at dating, you have to understand more about yourself. The students were asked to think about their own preferences and compare to studies of over 10,000 daters from around the world. We had fun looking at which of the 5 styles each of us fell into:

  1. Physical (quick engagement, non-verbal, based on looks)
  2. Polite (careful, dislike of sexual communication)
  3. Playful (nothing at stake, game-based)
  4. Sincere (based on emotional connection, intimacy first, honesty)
  5. Traditional (very strict gender roles)

Five Interpersonal Flirting Styles

Think about how you flirt. Dating success comes from understanding your technique. To flirt more effectively, you have to understand more about yourself. Studies on over 10,000 daters from around the world indicates a breakdown of 5 major flirting styles. Here they are:

  1. Physical: (40%), based on the idea of quick communication involving non-verbal behavior; physical attractiveness, the way you move or dance; which moves to physical encounters with a great deal of chemistry, high energy, and rapid enamoration.
  2. Polite: (30%), Careful, rule-governed; dislike sexual communication (too aggressive). 90% of Polite flirters have a hard time getting their message across.
  3. Playful: (14%), People who flirt just for fun, to get free drinks, because it’s a cultural thing, because they’re negotiating, etc. Because there’s no meaning behind it, playful flirts have the hardest time moving into a committed relationship. The early success at drawing attention keeps them locked into the early stages.
  4. Sincere: (8%), based on creating an emotional connection; intimacy first prior to sexual encounter. Prefer talking, want to find out who you are/what you’re all about. Based on honesty.
  5. Traditional: (8%), very strict gender roles (men need to be the aggressor/women should be coy, almost indirect). Traditional men like it when women pull away and want to be pursued. Traditional women like it when a man comes on strong. Men who are traditional don’t really like it when women come on strong; they see this negatively –as too forward/promiscuous.

The purpose of the ‘dating styles’ is to know more about yourself so you can figure out what others are perceiving from you. If you’re not getting the relationship that you want, perhaps you are sending the wrong message out.

(From the book by Dr. Jeffrey A. Hall, PhD, ‘The Five Flirting Styles’.)

Venus and Mars (2-14-2020)

Facilitator began by reviewing the 5 dating styles (covered 2 weeks back) and class responded well (showing that they retained a lot from it).

Since the group relates to Venus and Mars, we unpacked some of the archetypal personalities of the Mars mythos. Mars (Aries, in the Greek) had two sisters Demos (Panic) and Phobos (Fear), which we deconstructed to show the relationships to ‘epidemic, pandemic, and epic journey’, etc. Group members brought up ‘echo’ so we told the story of Pan and Echo to illustrate the value of investment in Life and the payoff of being involved vs. the paucity of ennui.

We ended by unpacking ‘epigenetic’ expression and how it relates to ‘long-term, committed, monogamous relationships’ and the value derived from invested commitment in relationships (in terms of trust, security, intimacy and Health and Wellbeing).